Clever Clogs

Characters: 2 male, 4 female

Clever Clogs was the winner of “Best Original Script” and “Best Adult Production” at the Hunstanton One Act Play Festival 2019

Setting
The action takes place in the dining room of Jackie and Nicholas Snell, somewhere in the UK, present day.

Synopsis
With prizes of book tokens and boxes of Thornton’s chocolates, it’s not just the reputation of the Clever Clogs at stake at the Nut and Squirrel’s ‘Big Friday Bonanza’ pub quiz. In anticipation of this important event, a highlight in the pub quizzer’s annual calendar, Clever Clogs team captain, Nicholas Snell gathers the members of his group at his home for one last cramming session. However, with a new team member running late, his long-suffering wife teetering on breaking point, and constant interruptions from his stubborn mother-in-law, the evening might not prove as fruitful as Nicholas had hoped.

Approximate running time: 40 mins

To purchase this script, please visit my publisher’s page via Silver Birchington Plays.

A sample of this script is available here.

Character Descriptions

Nicholas Snell
Nicholas is a pillar of the local community, chairman of the neighbourhood watch, and secretary of the Parish Council. Self-righteous, officious and opinionated, Nicholas is a stickler for good punctuation and grammar, enjoys routine and structure in his life and prides himself on his punctual time-keeping. He works as a chiropodist in the town centre.

Jacqueline Snell
Long suffering wife of Nicholas. Panders to her husband’s whims for an easy life, but her suppressed frustrations occasionally bubble to the surface, mainly in the form of sarcastic quip. She is house proud, hard-working and enjoys the simpler things in life but is beginning to yearn for more. She works part-time in accounts of a department store.

Martin Lumley
Friend of Nicholas since secondary school. Primary school teacher and married to Heather Lumley although has been secretly in love with Jackie for years. Mild mannered and unassuming, he enjoys chess, making model aeroplanes and watching classic television and films from the sixties, seventies and eighties.

Kirsty Bright
Nicholas’ receptionist. She enjoys socialising and having a good gossip. Her vivacious and enthusiastic attitude to life can sometimes be misinterpreted as brashness or insensitivity.

Ruth Billington
Kirsty’s recently separated neighbour. She is anxious, quiet and socially awkward. Kirsty has insisted Ruth join the quiz team, ignoring all of Ruth’s objections. She works as a healthcare assistant/dispenser in a pharmacy.

Cynthia Fairclough
Jackie’s mother. Hard of hearing and short tempered, Cynthia has become somewhat of a telly addict since her husband’s death and spends most of her time watching soaps, quiz shows and police dramas with the subtitles on. She is a pessimist and a bit of a hypochondriac.

Spilt Milk

Characters: 8 featured roles

 

Summer 1995.  Val and Lloyd are preparing for the imminent arrival of their new daughter-in-law’s parents for afternoon tea, and Val is desperate to make an impression. However, the temperature rises and so does her blood pressure as she struggles to cope with the searing heat, a husband who won’t put on a clean shirt, her inferior baking skills and an unwanted houseguest called Russell, an overbearing man she strongly suspects is the lover of her youngest son, Dominic. 

 

When Cliff and Denise eventually appear, the inevitable strained conversations and uncomfortable silences follow. However, once the initial awkwardness has dissipated and the bucks fizz has started to flow, a real rapport between the two sets of parents is evident and before long a second social gathering has been organised. Unfortunately, the afternoon comes to an abrupt end when the hot weather brings on a funny turn in Denise and the visiting couple have to leave early. 

 

Under the relentless sun of the next three weeks, a secret that has remained dormant for many years slowly comes to light and threatens to cause irrevocable damage to the seemingly ordinary people involved and change the lives of the two families forever.

 

For more information and prices please contact me here.   A sample of this script is available here.

 

Character List

Dominic Hazeldine (mid 20s)
Russell Swinburne (early 40s)
Valerie Hazeldine (early 50s)
Judy Pratchett (mid 50s)
Lloyd Hazeldine (mid 50s)
Denise Forbes (late 50s)
Cliff Forbes (early 60s)
Faye Pratchett (mid 20s)

A Matter of Taste

Character: 1 male

 

Efficient, tactful and a stickler for hygiene, Gladwin is the best food taster in the business. But when his ostentatious boss drops down dead at the dining table, tongues start to wag in the kitchens. This delicious offering is a perfect serving of medieval mystery, mayhem and manners. 

For more information and prices please contact me here.   A sample of this script is available here.

 

Character List

Gladwin, a medieval Baron’s food taster

He wears the attire of a typical medieval servant – a frock, belt, pant-socks, half-cloak and pointed snout boots.

He is a fastidious, particular man with a disdainful manner who is prone to gossip. 

Where the Mushrooms Grow

Characters: 3 female, 1 male
Approximate running time: 40 minutes

 

Jeremy has lost his dog, a German Shepherd bitch called Brandy. It is the weekend and he is calling door to door in his local area in the hope of finding someone who has sighted the elusive canine. He decides to venture up the long, overgrown driveway of a property called Honeystone Nook, a pretty but rundown cottage on the edge of town. He is invited inside by a drab, awkward woman only to find he is soon a reluctant guest in the home of the eccentric Gribble family.

 

 

To purchase this script please visit my publisher’s page via Silver Birchington Plays.

For more information and prices please contact me here.   A sample of this script is available here.

 

Character List

Estella (early 40s)
Wistful, naïve and childish, the youngest daughter of Myrtle, Estella Gribble is a slight and bird-like spinster with unkempt hair and a rosy complexion. She wears poorly hand-knitted cardigans and jumpers over long dresses and carpet slippers on her feet. She enjoys looking after her house plants and her best friend is a Philodendron called Katie who she is often heard having conversations with. She has spent six years searching for the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle with a picture of a Flamenco Dancer on it and she refuses to start another until she has found the lost piece. 

 

Mother (70s)
Myrtle Gribble is a wild-eyed, disturbed woman with lank, greying hair and flushed face who wears a grubby night dress, dressing gown and Wellington boots. She is plump and needs the aid of a walking stick as she strains to stagger around on swollen joints. Although, her stature is strong and imposing, her mind is weak and deteriorating. For several years now, her verbal communication has been limited to vocabulary associated with meat products. Her world appears to revolve around food and she spends many hours in the garden or greenhouse waiting for her next meal. 

 

Jeremy (late 20s – mid 30s)
Jeremy Blanchard is a quiet, unassuming man who works in insurance. He is slim, wears glasses and prefers to wear jeans and t-shirts when he’s not at work. Generally introverted, but in the right company he can also be talkative and jovial with a dry sense of humour. He owns a small semi-detached house in town with his wife of three years, Alison. He enjoys DIY and plays squash every Tuesday with his workmate, Tony. At the weekend, he normally goes shopping with his wife on Saturday morning and watches sport on the television in the afternoon. Every other Sunday he goes to his parents for lunch. 

 

Ernestine (mid – late 40s)
Ernestine Gribble is the oldest daughter of Myrtle. She has piercing eyes, thin lips and a suspicious nature. She is unmarried like her sister but, unlike Estella, is prim and precise in the way she dresses. Forthright and dominant, she runs the household efficiently and keeps control with a sharp tongue and an acidic manner. She finds Estella irritating and is exasperated by her mother but she loves them both above all else and will always remain loyal to them. She is an accomplished cook and works as a dispenser at the local hospital.